I know your pain Alexainie, My dad died in an auto accident when I was 24, 33 years ago. Still hurts but in a different way. I have changed and the world has changed too. I view addiction as a terminal illness that some survive. Your dad was really sick. Hate addiction like a cancer that took your dad.
Since you picked up a pen you have been a writer who has evolved. You will continue to evolve as an artist in the written word. The death of your father has taken much from you. Grief has displaced joy and activities that bring joy. But, this is how it is supposed to be right now. Allow the grief to have its place for now. Write about your grief and share it with us. Your grief is part of your evolution as a human being and a writer.
When my father was killed, I had never known that level of grief. Many times I thought I would not survive. I survived to be a parent and a grandparent and to live life as I never could have imagined, I became an RN rather than a marine biologist or Doctor. I continue to survive mental illness and gender identity disorder. I found you and others here on Medium who have lived life and are able to share in their writings. Grief never was able to take me, it just became part of me and who I am.
So you must write. One word, one sentence, one paragraph, are a start and instrumental to your emotional recovery. Every day write something, if even a scribble. Have no expectations for your words as they find their place inside you and begin to bloom into your life and onto your paper. Take your experience and turn it into your gift for your readers.
Prayers and Love for you,